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Journal

Hello

I'm trying to get here every month this year. I'm trying a lot of things this year. Why set myself these challenges? I suppose so that they keep me on my toes, keep me connected to those things that bring me joy or let me be creative. Happy New Year to you all!

I know I need to redo this website, as I'm getting a bit tired of the same old look of it. But I need the time to get around to it. I'm thinking of having a website totally devoted to my writing and one totally devoted to my artwork. That is something that I'm giving myself time and space to explore this year, my artwork.

I forgot to mention last month but I've started up my Every Day Creativity blog again. Check it out here.

Posted 01/02/2010 at 15.12

Happy New Year to you All!

2009 has flown by. Blink and you might have missed it.

Doing my end of year round up, it was difficult to remember everything that happened in 2009 as it was a bit of a funny year. Funny peculiar nor hilarious!

I'm glad to see the back of it really as a new year brings the prospect of new beginnings, new adventures, new avenues to explore. I might be older and heavier but more than ready for the challenges that are in store for me and my family.

I'm pleased to have got the doctorate under my belt. What I'm going to do with it, I don't know yet, but I do want to use it. I didn't spend all that time and energy on it to let it just sit and go to waste. But I'm in no hurry to rush into anything yet either. 2009 was marked by large amounts of time and energy spent on projects that I didn't want to do or be part of. This will not be happening in 2010. I promise.

Posted by Sheree 01/01/10 12.15pm.

Hello

I have completed the PhD. I submitted at the end of September as planned with much relief. Here I was thinking that was the end of it all. I could just sit back and wait for my viva date to come through and then defend my thesis.

I'm angry and frustrated at the whole system that is supposedly operating at Newcastle University. Obviously there are some people's faces that fit and others that do not. Some people who play the game and some people who do not. I'll leave it up to you to work out which camp I fall into. I still wait my date for my viva and being able to put this beast of my life to bed.

Posted by Sheree 03/11/09

Hello

I hope you had a good summer. The problem is, it went too fast. This is the month that I complete the PhD. This 'thing' has been the bane of my life for so long now that I'm not sure that I'll recognise my life without it.  But I'm not going to let that feeling make me hold onto to it longer than I need to. This 'thing' needs to be off my desk and quick. So I'm fine tuning the arguments, dotting my 't's' and crossing my 'i's'. Yes I know I've got them the wrong way round but in a way my whole PhD is about challenging the norm, the standard, the accepted way of doing things. So why stop now?
Anyway, a busy month full of possibilities that I intend to meet head on.

"Each day is a gift. Every day you wake up is a different opportunity to grab life by the horns."
— Holly Robinson Peete

Posted by Sheree 08/09/09

Hello

Just checking in. Been busy, still busy but I can see the end is nigh. I'm looking forward to summer as I naturally associate it with rest. So I'm going to take the next few months off from this website but you can keep up to date with my writing through the February Revolution blog. Enjoy the summer.

Posted by Sheree, 07/07/2009, at 11.30pm

Hello

It's been a busy few weeks. A number of projects are coming to an end so that means the chance to run around like a head with no chicken! Talk about panic stations and last minute wobbles. But I'm proud of myself as throughout all this time of pressure and stress, I'm reaching the end of it in a much stronger position. I might be tired and older but I'm also wiser. It's become clearer what I want to do and what I don't want to do. And I don't want to be messed around, taken a lend of or disrespected.

For a while, in particular situations, I've bitten my tongue and not said the things that needed to be said so as not to rock the boat or offend someone. In a few situations I've allowed myself to suffer to not cause anyone else any sufferance.

But what would happen to the Universe if I was to speak my mind? If I was to do what was best for me and not for others? Nothing. The world would keep on turning. And what I decide to do or say is best for me  does not even register in the larger scheme of things. So with this knowledge, I embrace what is best for me, that which supports, encourages and nurtures my inner integrity and nobody else's. So there!

Posted by Sheree, 20/06/2009, at 11.16pm

Well look who's back!

I've got excuses but I'm not going to go there.

What's the point of having a website if you don't update it?

Time and organisation. It's nearly a year since I've been here and I am disgusted with my self. I have been active elsewhere but this should be my first port of call.

I'm just coming out of a dark period in my life. My head's been down getting on with work, but not my work, other people's work. And that's the worse kind because I don't feel as if I'm getting anywhere within my self, with my own practice if I'm dancing and singing for someone else.

But not to worry. I see the light and I'm working my way towards it. But I'm not rushing it and I'm enjoying the view of the journey.

I'll pop back here and tell you how I'm getting on. Should I?

I've started a new blog www.febrev.blogspot.com

Posted 01/05/2009

Hello People

How are you doing?

Me I have my ups and my downs, don't we all. I think my problem is, itchy feet. I'm ready to go travelling again but without the money to finance it. Same old, same old. But what is it about travelling that excites me, that really gets me going? Is it the sights the smells, the new experiences, the break from the norm? What is it?

I think I see each travel experience as an opportunity to start over. To start a fresh, to accomplish some task that I've been putting off until I get that concentrated, non- interrupted time frame, such as finishing a poetry collection, or a PhD paper. I see the chance of travel as the time to take these tasks away, to complete them and clear the decks. I see travel as the chance to check back in with myself and see how I'm doing, to find out  what's troubling me and what I plan to do next. I see travel as the chance to set the clock back at zero and tackle the next obstacle with gusto, knowing that I'm more focused and centred than I ever was before I went away. I need that travel space now, that travel experience and mentality now. Has anyone got any offers?

Posted by Sheree, 12/05/08, 20.59

Hiya

So my time in the Caribbean is coming to an end. It has been eventful, challenging and rewarding. I've been very productive. If one blog wasn't enough, then another three different ones, embracing three different creative projects should be enough. We'll wait and see. But in the meantime, feel free to take a look at them. They can be found by linking through Every Day Creativity, or simply click on the links for Home Samples, a trini ting and Limin'.

Comments and contributions welcome.

Posted by Sheree, 26/02/2008, at 9.30pm

Hello

I'm in the Caribbean now for a month. Staying in Trinidad, Tobago and Barbados. And I'm on a mission. But today was J'Ouvert, the dirty mas opening of carnival. It was an eye opener.

We had been warned to have our wits about us, that trouble would be about. You hear these warnings and still don't expect anything to happen. They say that Trinidad is a big melting pot of different cultures, religions, colours. Today, I would say that Trinidad was a boiling pot. Things were heated.

The springs have been wound too tight what with tighter police restrictions, stop and search and arrests. Mix this resentment with 24 hour flowing drink and women half naked and you're asking for trouble.

I do not want to add to the long list of articles and commentaries about the violence in Trinidad. I do not want to add to that impression and attitude of this beautiful country. All I am saying is that things are changing. And things are just the same as they have for centuries.

The idea is that the city has to be safe for the tourists coming in to play pretty mas with the big bands. The city has to be safe so that these people will keep returning and spending their foreign money in Trinidad. The city has to be save so the Trini's themselves have to be controlled, roped off, cleaned off the streets. Their own streets. Trinidad is losing it's traditions and heritage as the tourists clamour over each other to get a slice of the very same culture that, by their very presence, they are eroding.

Go figure.

Posted by Sheree 04/02/2008 Trini time 13.12 UK time, 17.12

Hello

I'm back within the week, not bad. I'm trying to get into good habits. One of them being here on a more regular basis.

But talking about habits, I've just started a new one, Every Day Creativity.

A new found friend of mine over in Austin, Texas, emailed near the turn of the year and threw down a challenge I couldn't resist. A bunch of friends over there were getting 400+ free pieces of ready to paint on masonite. And they could have them on condition of one thing, that they made a piece of art work every day for 366 days, and show it and talk about it in a blog. So they started Penz (it's pronounced Pants).

I was so inspired by this that I had to get in on it. I can't be there in person but I can at least create a piece of art each day and post it in a blog.

I created Every Day Creativity.

And I have to admit I'm enjoying the experience. What I've done is write down a brief titles for each day in January about which type of art form I will produce that day, be it a photograph, drawing, poem etc. And that's all the planning I have in place.

All I have to do each day is turn up and create and see what happens. I'm pleased with the results so far, a few poems for my new collection which just came to light in the last few days, so I'm excited about that. A collage in memory of my mum that I've wanted to do for months now, but never given myself the time or permission. Tributes to my love of the sea and leaves. And so on. What this practise means is that I am making sure I have art and creativity in each and every day and that makes me feel good.

But I do have one worry, and it's got nothing to do with drying up,  it's got to do with February. I have a month's residency in the Caribbean. That will be so much food for my thoughts and creativity, but how do I manage to get the blog posted everyday? 'm hoping I'm hooked up to some wireless stuff. But even if I don't get to post every day, that isn't going to stop me doing, no way.

Until next time

Sheree

Posted by Sheree, 06/01/2008, 18.45

Hello

Happy New Year!

I know it's a bit premature but I'd rather that than not say it at all.

Apologies for being missing from here. The laptop fiasco continued as I didn't have FrontPage on the new laptop, so I had to wait to get it. And then by the time I got it , it was too late to tell you all about October, November and even December.

But really I think I lost my way, back there in the year 2007. I was in demand, pulled here there and everywhere, because I was interested in that complex issue of slavery. No way was I an expert but the offers just kept on coming, I wonder why???

Anyway I'm out of that frenzy now, and I'm not sowing sour grapes. It was an amazing year, where I achieved more than I thought possible. And I know I couldn't have done it alone. You out there who helped me and took the journey with me, know who you are.

But now I'm more than ready to concentrate on me and my priorities;

My new collection, my PhD around my first collection, travel and cross-arts work.

I'm excited. But the beauty of slowing down and smelling the daisies, it that I have time to feel gratitude. To be grateful for all the good things in my life - my family, my home, my friends, my ideas, my health, my smile.

I'm trying to keep it simple in 2008, create and focus on the positive and let the rest burn themselves out.

I think I'm going to take a leaf out of my friend's book, Ana-Maurine Lara. She and a few friends have taken up the challenge set by a person in Austin who had a box containing 400+ pieces of 3"x5", pre-gessoed, ready to paint on masonite. The challenge was to claim this box and commit to making a piece of work every single day for a year and to share their creations, thoughts and feelings via a blogspot. Four friends decided  to commit. To the material. To the mission. To each other.  They came up with a name for themselves and their blog: 

Penz (it's pronounced Pants):
http://penzitspronouncedpants.blogspot.com.

Please follow their challenge, or come up with your own. I'm inspired to start my own are you?

Until next time

Sheree

Posted by Sheree, 30/12/07, 13.59


 

I thought I'd share a poem with you this month, as that's what I'm supposed to be, once I get around to writing creatively, a poet.

I hope you like it. Enjoy the summer, see you in September.

With a Veranda

Somehow, you’ve travelled thousands of miles

and years to stand in this cane field,

on the bumpy ridge, as the edge of the cliff;

not amongst the cocoa trees

but under the green honey creepers – you can

hear but not see them.

This is where your house will be, with a veranda

looking out, over the rolling sea.

Here, your mouth and your eyes are still,

all lines relaxed.

Your salt and pepper locks hang down,

gracing your mature frame.

The smell of gardenias, once sweet

reminding you of the empty dinette

when your mum had left for the Club,

now smells sickly, as you take

a deep breath and your humped belly

Posted 16/07/2007

Hey!

Hey comes the sun ... and the rain .... and the rain. I must say it's definitely been affecting my mood. 

I haven't really been a  nice person to be around, and before you say 'What's new?', I beat you to it.

But I must say, what came in the post last weekend put a big broad smile on my face. The current issue of The Rialto and Other Poetry. And guess who was in them, yes, you guessed right - ME!I was jumping around the room, as this means I've made it doesn't it? I have now entered mainstream and my work has been legitimized, i am now accepted. Everything's coming up roses. Yes? No!

Well those people who have come back to me and given me credit think so. These literary magazine are respected and held in high esteem and I'm amongst their pages. What does that mean for me, as a writer?

Well a lot, as my dance around the room, made evident. Also the payment for my work to appears within these magazines was good also. This money I will use to further my writing, to buy supplies, or writing books, as it shows that I am investing in my craft and skills. And that's exactly what these publications mean, the light of attention has been shined in my direction and now some eyes are on me. So this means I can not disappoint. I have to keep moving forward developing as a writer, writing more and better poetry, making sure that my work is worthy of inclusion in these literary magazines and more.

No time to sit back and enjoy, I've got work to do.

As Tony Harrison so aptly stated, "There's something restless about artists in the way they are not interested in the works that they did in the past, they are only interested in what's happening now and tomorrow."

Posted by Sheree at 21/06/07 at 17.01

Hello

I've been so stupid. I've been so busy that I took my eye off the important things.

I gave a talk with Andrea at the Lit and Phil a few weeks ago around the concept of 'home'. And while there and during the week following, I  lost my writing journal. The journal I had with me, or created while in TTB (Trinidad, Tobago and Barbados).

I have been so distraught, it's unbelievable really. I've searched everywhere and retraced my steps and nothing has shown up.

I was so sad, I could have, no I did bury my head in the duvet for a number of nights as I tried to come to terms with losing it.

I'll try and put this into perspective. Losing that journal was like losing a limb. I have lost a part of my history, my past that I'll never get back. Maybe it's my punishment for putting too much store by TTB. That I was having ideas above my station and losing that journal is a major shock tactic to get me back on the straight and narrow and to forget all this nonsense about international exchanges, trips back to TTB every year etc.

What was I thinking?

This is my imagination running away with me. I was careless and I am paying the price. I have to let it go and hopefully it's one of those things that will just turn up when I least expect it. In the meantime, or from now on, I get on with it and I try to retrieve the things, the information I have lost. The feelings, thoughts, I have lived so I can use my memory. I was physically there and that can not be taken away from me, ever. The texture and the fabric of actually being there and writing about it , is lost, and the only way I can get that back is to go back. I've lost that freshness of my eyes, of seeing the places for the very first time, but this is a lesson I've learnt, things change, anyway. And continue to change and it's how we as individuals change to meet these changes.

I've moved on now and I'm reading and working harder than ever to recreate but also to move forward and just create. This experience I believe will make me a better writer.

" You can't always use life to write, you have to use your body and your heart. You have to experience pain for things to be painful and joy for things to be joyful". Xiaolu Guo.

Posted by Sheree, 06/05/2007, 21.07

Hey

I haven't been dodging this place just been busy. And I've had so many thoughts running through my brain and feelings through my body that I've just found it difficult to get to that place where I can put things is order and string together a sentence or two that makes sense. You know what I mean?

I've come back from my travels to Trinidad and Tobago and Barbados and I'm not the same. The deal was cheap and good, check out holiday in tobago, for secluded beachcombers, eco-friendly and a really personal service.

Anyway, going to these islands has really turned my head. Made me think about what I'm doing in England and if anyone gives a shit. I came up with the answer no. I got attention and appreciation and understanding in two short weeks over there, something that I'm just starting to receive here. Call me a dreamer with rose tinted spectacles on but I could live there, work there and create there and be happy. It's not the sun sea and sand approach here, it's the feeling of being accepted, of walking down the street and meeting people who look like me. Who are open, friendly and interested in me, for whatever reason. That makes a person feel special, that makes a person feel wanted, so call me a dreamer for wanting that again and again.

From a seriously thinking of skipping the country, Sheree

Posted by Sheree, 09/04/2007, 21.28

Hello

How's things with you? things are a bit hectic with me at the mo! To the point that I think I'm going to have to go monthly with this journal. I hear you cry," Oh no, Sheree. How will we survive between each one!" Okay I'm dreaming, but if there is someone out there who does read this space, I want to hear from you. Please.

No things are just getting a bit busy at the moment and the cut is, do I spend more time with the family or even sleeping or writing one of my many many blogs. So something has to give and it's not going to be my sanity, this time. So there you go. But while I'm here let me tell you about what is happening at the moment and why I'm getting a bit stressed out.

I might have told you but I'm off to Trinidad, Tobago and Barbados at the end of this week. And I should be excited and I am. But I'm also worried, stressed out and not sure where or what I'm doing, I feel like my head has gone into overdrive. I'm stressing because this trip is more than I've ever done in my whole life and I don't want to get it wrong. I don't want to go away and leave loose ends. And I don't want to go away and be disappointed. This is way out of my line of vision and I can't actually imaging myself there. What will look like? What will I do? What will the landscape look like? What will the people look like? So many questions before I go and I know I'll have so many more on the return. But I know I have to do it, I have to make this trip, for me. For my personal and professional growth. I've got to take the risk. What I do know is that I'll never be the same again when I come back. I know this trip will change me for the better in some way. How or why, I'm still not sure. But I'm open to the experience. See ya next month, after the trip!!

Posted by Sheree, 11/02/2007, at 20.17

Happy New Year to You!

Okay I know I'm a bit late, but better late than never. And I mean it.

I promised myself in December that I would come to this space at the beginning of 2007 and document my achievements of the year gone by and pledge my goals for the coming year. As you can see I kept that resolution, not!

I gave myself a month off at Xmas and thought that would give me all the time I needed to get sorted for the New Year and ahead of the game in certain projects, not! I turned around and I was starting back at work last week, with more tasks and commitments on my hands. I don't think my son dislocating his knee helped either, but we go on.

I receive an email each week from Creative Living, and I got one a few weeks ago introducing the concept of a 100 days to develop a good habit. It said that good habits only get 'bedded down' when we repeated them daily, or weekly. But it's the repetition that works. I got this email and felt inspired to act. It was giving me time to think about it, I had a few weeks to think before the off date, 21st Jan. I was thinking meditation as that would help with the stress of work, then I thought a haiku a day and get enough together to submit to a haiku collection competition. Drink more water, etc etc. The list went on and on and in the end I missed the start date and felt why bother now to start my 100 days?

But I may be tired or I may have hit my January blues for the second or third time, but I'm thinking what the heck, I can start those 100 days anytime and the point is making sure I commit to it and stick to it.
So I'm thinking, what would really make the difference to the way I feel if I practise a good habit each day? And what I keep coming back to again and again, and this is apart from my morning pages as they are already a good habit, is exercise. I have been missing my exercise. I started running last year, March to get in shape and set myself the goal of running the Great Women's Race. I did it but since then I've been in and out of the gym, around and not around the park, in front of the exercise DVD and not in front of it, not really committed, quickly forgetting the feel good feelings I do get from exercise. So that's what I'm going to do for the next 100 days, get out and exercise. Walk, run, swim, or dance every day for 100 days.

Let's see how I get on!

Posted by Sheree, 25/01/07, at 21.19

How to get back up after a fall

I’m been going through a low period, I’m not sure how it all started. I haven’t been well, I’ve had no energy, I was coming back down after an amazing high after Glasgow, and basically I was depressed. And I didn’t know what to do with myself.  

Questions were going through my mind: what am I doing? Where is the next cheque coming from? What have I achieved? Is it all hot air? And these were just making me feel worse. I knew I had to go to the sea. That always helps me, seeing the sea.

So last Thursday, I did the school run and drove off into the cold sunshine with my husband as hostage and we went to Tynemouth. The wind was blowing, the tide was coming in, white topped curls galore. And slowly but surely I was coming back, the real me, the confident, go getter Sheree was coming back. It was not only because of the sea, but I also took my camera along, snapping pictures. And using that device made me stop and take notice of the environment around me. Something I had stopped doing. And it was an amazing day. I came back a different person a more positive, hopeful person.

The next day, I went for a walk again, closer to home, in fields and fields of trees. And this again seemed to fill up my happy pot again, my contented pot. So when I was ready to get back into the saddle again I was ready.

But not as ready as I thought I was, as a series of emails about my work knocked me sideways again. So much sideways that I got to the point of spitting bullets and saying to stuff the lot of them, I don’t need you, go to hell. All that clearing space I had created last week just disappeared into hot smoke by someone else supposedly doing their job but being vindictive and unfair at the same time.

What to do? First of all give it room. Not to fire off an abusive email, telling them what I really think as that would only make things worse for me. But giving myself breathing space. Then talking it over with people I trust and listening to their advice.  Writing about how I feel and reading about others in similar situations. Meeting friends and having a well deserved drink and eating something nice. And then the next day taking myself off on a long artist’s date where I take note of my environment again, take pictures and write in my favourite journal again. Restoring my balance ready to reply making sure I stay true to myself, integrity intact.

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward. - Henry Ford

Posted by Sheree, 11/11/2006, 10.25

Hello Again

I was in Glasgow this weekend for 'A Tribute for John La Rose' , with my dear friend Andrea Macdonald. It was an inspiring day as John La Rose was a name I had heard in relation to New Beacon Books and the International Book Fair of Radical Black and Third World Books (1982-95),but that was about it. The people who spoke about him on Saturday and the film we saw called ' A Dream to Change the World', directed by Horace Ovè, made me realise what an influence La Rose had on changing British society through his words and actions. He didn't see himself as being  an activist when he marched on Westminster demanding justice for the 13 young people killed in the New Cross fire, suspected of a racist arson attack. Or that he was being political when he setting up New Beacon Books in his front room and chose to distribute and publish Caribbean writers in Britain. John La Rose saw it as him just being creative.

 Saturday was a double whammy as we were having a creative day as well. A creative day is when you come together with another creative person and share your work in progress, your ideas. Through the discussion you gain further ideas, inspiration and direction in moving forward. It's an amazing experience that I repeat each month, with different people for different areas of my life. These days help me immensely in moving forward with my projects and keep me focused and on task. I'd like to thank those individuals who I work with on these creative days. I also would like to suggest that you try it yourself. You don't have to start off big, but give yourself the time, with someone you trust who's a creator, and share your work, talk about your work and what you want to achieve and see what happens.

"John could have been anything he wanted, but he was without ambition. He preferred to stay in the background and make things happen. He was a man who dreamed of changing the world." Linton Kwesi Johnson

Posted by Sheree, 31/10/06, 19.32

Hello Again

How you doing' ?

I'm good, if you're asking! Busy as usual but that isn't anything new. I've been out and about recently to different literature events, readings and such, even reading myself at some. I've really been enjoying Durham Literature Festival this year. The line up has been spot on. I've been getting mad when I've got a ticket for an event but haven't been able to go because of family commitments, as happened with Simon Armitage and I know will have with Owen Sheers, this week. So I'm mad.

The readings that have been inspirational have included Anthony Joseph, I love that man. Hopefully, identity on tyne will get him up here next year to do a series of Masterclasses. And then there was the Sharon Olds reading. Gobsmacked is not the word, or is it a word? Olds was reading with Anna Woodford and Colette Bryce and funnily enough both these women introduced me to Olds' poetry at different times. But I wouldn't be without Olds now. I don't know what it is about her poetry but its so real, down to earth, full of imagery but from the every day. It's not difficult to understand. It's very effective and deep. I just love it.

This is an extract from one of my favourites called 'The Race', one where a child needs to get back home to the hospital to his/her father before he dies.

     "I lumbered up the moving stairs,
at the top I saw the corridor,
and then I took a deep breath, I said
goodbye to my body, goodbye to comfort,
I used my legs and heart as if I would
gladly use them up for this,
to touch him again in this life. I ran, and the
bags banged against me, wheeled and coursed
in skewed orbits, I have seen pictures of
women running, their belongings tied
in scarves grasped in their fists, I blessed my
long legs he gave me, my strong
heart I abandoned to its own purpose,
I ran to Gate 17 and they were
just lifting the thick white
lozenge of the door to fit it into
the socket of the plane."

Everyone you meet is your mirror. Ken Keyes Jr.

Posted by Sheree, 18.31, 24/10/2006

Hello There!

I'm tired, so tired. But can't stop got to go on. I'm enjoying a lovely period where I'm reading and everything I'm reading is linking into everything else. The readings are inspiring me to writer creatively and I'm really enjoying what is coming out of my multicoloured pens (I like to write in different colours keeps my eyes alert! well it works for me!) When I'm not  with the old pen and paper then I'm blogging. Yes I'm bloggin', bloggin', and I hope you like bloggin' too. (Sing it to the tune of Bob Marley's 'jammin' and you're getting the message. Get it?). I've got this websites blog. I've got the id website blog, when its been sorted out. I've got the Lit  and Phil blog, all about my residency, at www.sheree-mack.blogspot.com. And my husband has just got me to join Zaadz, a Oasis/Sanctuary on the web. There I'm Dr Mack, as I use the space to blog about my PhD in Creative Writing. http://dr-mack.zaadz.com. It's a really nice place where people are making friends, sharing and talking.

But what is the point of all this blog? Am I so insecure that I have to feel that I'm reaching an audience with every word I write? Am I not getting enough stimulation at home and have to spend every hour God sends blogging? Oh is it simply that I love writing and writing helps me think and that's how I work through my thoughts, ideas and problem through writing it down. And it doesn't matter where I write it as the process of getting it out of my system is the most important bit. If I create some good pieces of work during the process, the more the better.

."Who you are is not the way you look—who you are is who you are on the inside. There's not a mirror in the world that can show you that. It is beautiful; it is amazing; it is awesome." — Phylicia Rashad

Posted by Sheree, 01.10, 12/10/06

Hello again!

I can't believe that I haven't been back here to tell you about Oxford, the conference of the

 year, or that's what I thought before I got there. Maybe I was projecting, maybe I was tired as it has been a long summer of conferences, but I did feel out of place in that establishment. I wanted to go home, as soon as I got there, and I could as I drove all the way there. But you've got to think of your reputation and how it would look if you pulled out at the last minute. I gave my paper anyway and left soon after. And since, I've been trying to pin it down what was wrong with me, or what was wrong with the conference? And the only thing that I can think of is that the poetry wasn't paramount. There weren't many poets there. I didn't feel that poetry was being celebrated. I felt egos were being celebrated. "This is want I think and I'm not too bothered if you agree", sort of thing. Maybe this is what the academy is about. In fact Sheree, stop being stupid and realise this is what academic is about. PERIOD. Shit! What am I going to do? Get on with it, I say. As long as I have my integrity, that inner strength and knowledge about who is me, I'm sorted. Yes, right!

"Beauty is something inside of us. If you love yourself and accept yourself, that shows on the outside. Beauty is an act—it's how you carry yourself."— Gisele Bündchen

Posted by Sheree 13.19 , 03/10/06

Hello There!

I think today I want to share something with you that I received in my inbox yesterday. I got it care of Fiona Robyn and her creative living newsletter. great stuff it is as it always makes me stop and think and try and make changes to be a better person. Thank you Fiona Robyn. Read and then sign up to receiving your own newsletter each week.

"Is anybody listening? I sometimes wonder if I would still write if I knew that noone was listening.

A lot of the things we do in life are because we imagine some kind of pay off - we go to work for money, we plant bulbs because we expect flowers, we do good deeds because we think it will improve our karma or get us into some kind of exclusive club when we die.

So what happens when mice eat the tulip bulbs? What happens when the important project you've been working on gets cancelled at the last minute?

I try to enjoy the process of writing as I go along. I get pleasure from placing the word 'brilliant' next to the word 'blue' and watching it light up. I work things out for myself as the sentences follow the tail of the next. I read things back as a way of listening to myself.

Hoping to be helpful to someone else is certainly a part of my reason for doing this. Getting published and reaching a wider audience is definitely part of the plan. But no-one can take what I already have away from me. I can take things from inside my head and put them here! Magic!

Things you might be curious about Do you remember to enjoy the journey as well as enjoying reaching the destination? Suggestions for this week Choose something you currently do in order to 'get something' (e.g. money, fame, attention, praise...). Flip it round and spend the week focusing on the 'doing' for its own sake. See what happens. "

Fiona Robyn email: fiona@fionarobyn.co.uk

web: www.fionarobyn.co.uk 

Posted by Sheree 17.31 19/09/06

Hello All

Back within the week? Something must be wrong? No there isn't, I'm just in that good space, where I'm enjoying writing and being creative and sharing it. I've been a round a few years now on the North East writing scene and its only now that I'm beginning to feel that I know what the animal looks like, what the animal likes to eat or spend its leisure time doing. I'm getting to know the lingo. Maybe I've been slow on the uptake or maybe I knew the way the wind was blowing but refused to go with it. Either way, my eyes have been opened, I've seen the light and its networking. Networking is what makes the difference. And its not cheapening yourself or putting on a lovey dovey face and pretending to be something or someone you're not. Its about getting out there, supporting what others are doing, listening to others, telling others what you are doing and watching others doing and then doing it yourself. It's getting into the dialogue, the space and adding to it, expanding it, changing it. I've twigged, I really have. Oh and I thought I'd share it. Check out this website www.accidentalpoet.co.uk , where you will find that you are not alone, there's a network of people out there, working on writing and working to keep at it. "Everything is connected…no one can change by itself." -Paul Hawken,
 

Posted by Sheree 22.50 12/09/08

Well well well, if Sheree hasn't returned...

I'm not even going to apologise, or even mention juggling and balls. Balls.. did you know that in soft ball, the female equivalent to male base ball, they use bigger balls. Just something I found out this week while on location. Not for a film but at the Women and Poetry conference in Bristol. Terrifically organised by Alice Entwistle and Jo Gill and terrifically informative. Apart from the bigger balls thing, I have now entered a new phase in my vocabulary; we had women poets and now we have male poets. Yes, it's not done is it? It's a given that when we refer to male poets, 'poet' as the term of address is enough. So why isn't it enough for women poets? No the word 'woman' has to put before the word 'poet' to make sure the woman poet stays in her place, behind the male poets. Thank you Vicki Bertram for bringing this to my attention.

I'm quite fond of the male poet Gerard Rudolf, in fact I love his work, and that's an understatement. He's spotlighted on identity on tyne this month, such a talented South African living in Newcastle. Did I tell you about Stirling? Yes I have been busy this summer (my reasons for not updating this site and I'm sticking to it). Stirling was amazing, check out some pictures here. Again I met some amazing people and I'm happy to say that the creative and academic worlds are finally coming together without clashing loudly but with harmony. I'm still looking for my hybrid voice, as I try to write that personal scholarly essay (anyone who's got any pointers please email, please!). But the future is looking rosy, the future is looking bright, the future is looking black! Black in terms of finally Black British Women Poets are moving forward, and I'm not going to say from the margins to the centre, as they have always been centre in my way of thinking, but moving onto the radar of others and that's good.

See how I use language? Hundreds of words to use to describe the developments in Black Literature and I use such a non descript word as 'good'! Any way I'm in a 'good' zone at the moment with my writing. I'm managing to work across the divide and work on my creative and academic pieces simultaneously (see I can use big words when I want to). Read my latest poem 'Eyes Down, Look In' here. It was inspired by listening to Rose Lucas, who read her poetry at Stirling, so thanks to her. I'd like to thank Siobhan Campbell also, for repeatedly  referring to me, my website and my work at the Women and Poetry conference, as her words have revitalised my commitment to my website and self-promotion, as not only does it mean that I'm in control of the story that gets about me, but it also makes sure that the story, gets out about me full stop. Right I think I've said enough. I'll just like to leave you with one last thought: Dare to be yourself. Andre Gide

Posted by Sheree  00.43, 09/09/06

Hello All

Now that 2006 is into the swing of things, I finding that there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything. Even when I’ve been on courses about time management and getting things done, I still struggle to find time to stay connected with all my contacts, keep my face out there and find time for me to just be me. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. I know I’ve probably been on and on about this before, but it is frustrating when all I want to do is get on with my stuff and make my mark but I am hampered by commitments to others. Take this trip to Washington to present a paper on Black British Aesthetics. This is a very important conference as these issues have not been addressed at all, never mind in England. So I feel it is my duty to go and present my thoughts and findings. So this is a commitment however, I still have to find the time to do the reading and the writing of the paper, at the same time as making a living, being Mom and wife. I know my case is nothing special or different from the other person’s so why aren’t we working together to make it easier for each other. There’s the idea of a car pool to just use one car of getting to work therefore cutting down on pollution and stuff. So why can’t we have a people pool where say 4 or 5 friends get together and share the load. One week one friend will do the cooking for the other’s families, giving the others that extra time to complete a poem or a paper. Or one week one friend does the shopping for each household, so the others can complete that important application for their next job. Yes yes, it might sound like an air brain idea but there’s something there to be developed. But I’ll have to come back to it at some point as I just don’t have the time at the moment.

"Usually when the distractions of daily life deplete our energy, the first thing we eliminate is the thing we need the most: quiet, reflective time. This is the definition of insanity."

— Sarah Ban Breathnach

Posted by Sheree 03/03/06

Hello All

Hope you are keeping well. It’s Black History Month and I’m in the thick of it, as usual. I often wonder, if I’m not running around like a blue arse fly then what is there to do? I seem to have an aversion to staying still and resting. Something has to give and no doubt it will. It will be during those couple of weeks after the rush when I think I can get back on track with PhD, that I’ll be too exhausted to pick up a pen.
In the months since the last update, I’ve been moving house and trying to sort out my life away from the writing but, a life that was having an effect on my writing. Once that was done, it takes a lot of energy, time and money to move house and get used to living in a new space, I was too tired to do anything, not even update this website and the identity on tyne’s website. These websites were heavy loads on my shoulders that just kept on draining my energies and as I’ve only managed to get to this site so far. But why should I keep them going? I don’t even know how many people visit them. I know I’ve had no one get in touch to help with my research on Black British women poets and that‘s on the first page. But I have received an email from a friend saying how they’d just bumped in to my website and how cool it was. That was one person but that was enough to get me back here trying to sort out this mess of a website. In my biography I had part of it in ‘I’ and the other in ‘she’ etc. This was careless and just shows how much I am rushing things and not doing things properly. So come the end of October I’m slowing down and taking the time to do a job properly but also enough time to enjoy it too.

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.- James Oppenhei

Posted by Sheree 22.48 13/10/05

Hello

It’s been so long and I feel terrible about it but, life has a way of taking hold of me and not letting go, not even to rest. But the feelings that I should come and write here, were still there and weighing heavy on my shoulders. I had to come back, eventually. But this lack of writing here, and everywhere, does take its toll and worries me. Worries me to the point that I feel paralyzed and then this just has another knock on effect of no more writing anywhere. And it goes on and on until it stops. I had to stop to breathe and look around me and see where I had ended up, when life had took hold of me. And it was no where special. Was it worth it? No. So I’m trying to take the time now to look around me, to actually see and feel what I am doing. Then life doesn’t feel like it’s racing by and taking me with it, but it feels more like I’m driving, I’m in control of my life. And taking the time to ‘be’ and write is a must for this to happen.

What can you see (feel/smell/taste/hear) right now that's beautiful? What can you see (etc.) in the next ten minutes? Go see it!

Posted by Sheree 19.38 15/05/05

Hello

I have just enjoyed a heart warming Mother's Day. Not that I got the chance to have a lie in although I did get breakfast in bed! The day was a good one because my son made me my card, with a fabulous picture of me on the front.  He also made me a present; a multi-coloured sequined fan with writing on. He said it would keep me cool while I worked hard at the computer. These gifts meant more to me than all the store bought, commercially overloaded gifts and cards, which have been doing the rounds for the last month, advertising Mother's day. Why? Because my son, who is 6, had thought about his gifts and had taken the time and effort to make something from the heart. And what's even better although he was very excited about the day, I know that he'll make me something else the next day and next week, because he knows that I'm here every day of the year and he wants to tell me every day that he loves me and appreciates me. Such openness of feelings is a rarity and something that should be encouraged and promoted.

Think now, how can you tell or show someone in your life that you care and appreciate them. These words and actions can be as ordinary as you want, as homemade as you want. Choose two people, think of a gesture and do.  Don't expect anything back, except the knowledge that you're planting those seeds of happiness.

Posted by Sheree at 7/3/05

Hello

I thought that I was taking it easy over February, taking the time to rest. I was wrong. I've been here there and everywhere in my quest to feed my creativity and life as an artist. And I'm knackered. I'm up now at 02.20 trying to squeeze some more hours out of the day. I know it's the next day but you know what I mean. Something has to give, probably my sanity. But then again, I am enjoying what I'm doing. I'm meeting interesting people, and talking, and writing non stop. So maybe I need the constant 'doing stuff' in order to be productive. What do you think? Do you find the more your life is full of stuff the more you have to write about? Or is it the reverse, too much running around and not enough energy left to write?

It’s trying to find that balance that I haven't quite mastered yet. If you have, please tell me the secret.

“We the women making/something from this/ache-and-pain-a-me/ back-o-hardness." Grace Nichols - We the Women

Posted by Sheree at 11/02/05

Hello

Do you ever wonder what you're doing with your life? Do you ever find yourself in the middle of something and then stop and think, 'what am I doing?'

No, maybe it's just me then! There are times that I am gripped by this question and it worries me. Worries me in the sense because, before this thought, I'm thinking that everything is hunky dorey and that life's a bowl of cherries. But this moment of insight or hesitation throws up to me that what I thought is just not true, things are not right.

I've been taken stock of my life. I'm been trying to get to the bottom of me, or what's at my core. I haven't been doing this alone, although it's only me that can work this riddle out called 'me'. I have to have someone to listen to me. And that's where my write coach comes into it. I was lucky to win some free sessions with Bekki Hill, a write coach, and with her help I've been trying to sort out what I am doing, making sure that it's true to me. That I am true to me.

Take stock of your life now. Make sure you're doing something you love.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." - Confucius. Check out Bekki too, she had an article in this recent Mslexia too.

Posted by Sheree at 26/01/05

Hello

Well what can I say! Hello again and thanks for dropping by.  

There comes a time in a writer's life when she has to work out what is she writing for? Is it to get work published and earn lots of money?   I'm dreaming here so work with me! Or is it the case that she just wants to write and can't help writing and wants to keep on writing, whether there's public acclaim or not? As you've probably guessed, I favour the second    choice!

I write because I write. I enjoy stringing words together even if they not   sense make do (intentional word play so no emails complaining please). I can't go anywhere without a notebook and pen because I don't know when the itch might start and I'll have to write something. It could be a brilliant idea for a poem, a snippet of conversation or another thing to add to my 'to-do' list for the day. I love to write. Period. Oh, and drawing and singing   and designing websites ...

I could go on as I am quite enthusiastic about writing. Writing is an 'art' and art is creativity and creativity is life. So here I am sharing my life with you and others basically because I'm that kind of girl! The sharing kind, the kind that wants to bring some creativity into your life and with a bit of luck get you reaching for that pen, or pencil, or paintbrush, or needle or saxophone!

 "There are so many selves in everybody and to explore and exploit one is wrong, dead wrong, for the creative person." James Dickey.

Posted by Sheree at 11/01/05

Sheree image © Sheree Mack. Text and images © Sheree Mack 2004

I am still learning ~  Michel Angelo