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Eyes Down, Look In

We are sitting, me and Sharon, in a 
four man booth in a packed Bingo hall, waiting 
for the main session to begin. Eyes down 
look in – when Mum comes in, after 6 months 
dead. She takes an empty seat, clicks off her 
markers and gets ready for prize bingo, 
before and between the big money game.

We are sitting in the no smoking section.
Mum lights up and takes a deep draw, she smiles.
She’s pleased with her full head of hair, rollered
into place around her pink-beige plump face.
“2 and 6, 26.” The caller starts. 
Chatting is a no-no in any game,
but Mum’s got a life time of things to tell.

“Stop all the crying, Sharon. You’ll make your 
self sick. Mick’s shoulder can only take so 
much. You know you’re the strength in that coupling.” 
Her voice stems from a change. No one seems to 
notice our table. Eyes down, silently 
praying that their number will be out next.
“9 and 0, top of the shop, blind 90.”

Mum’s fingers dance across the numbers, clink,
a comforting sound in the close, heavy air. 
“Sheree, I’m working with you.” Her eyes never 
leave her board. “Hold on, you not alone.
I’m working to bring happiness into 
your life. But you’ve got to let the hurt out.”
Like coloured balls bubbling in the machine, 

my grief bursts out in rounded orbs of pain. 
I want to scream that you left us alone 
to cope, to cope alone. My fantasies 
of the prodigal daughter’s return with 
babe in arms, were dashed as you slipped away 
during the night.“1 and 4, 14.” “House”
Mum groans as if her life depended on 

that win. She starts to line up her thick red 
and blue dabbers. Not green, as green’s unlucky. 
Even in death, she’s still holding out for 
that big win. I look away through the sea 
of cigarette smoke, and half empty glasses,
not wanting to see her disappointment,
not wanting to see her leave us again.

Updated: 09/09/2006

Sheree image © Sheree Mack. Text and images © Sheree Mack 2004

"Lady sings the blues
She's got ,em bad
She feels so sad
The world will know
She's never gonna sing them no more "- Lady Sings the Blues, Billie Holiday